Why Do Children Lie? Dr. Narmin Azizova

It is not uncommon for children to sometimes deceive others and lie to hide the truth. People generally lie for two main reasons: to avoid punishment or to gain something (material or emotional, such as attention, love, or social status). Studies show that approximately 96% of children lie to their parents at some point.

In the first five years of life, children cannot distinguish between reality and imagination. For example, a 3-year-old child may describe a fantasy as if it really happened. Children under the age of 3 don’t yet realize that their thoughts are different from others’ thoughts. They believe that everyone shares the same thoughts and perspectives. However, by the age of 4, children begin to understand that their thoughts are not the same as those of others. They realize that unless they express their thoughts, others cannot know what they are thinking or doing. This awareness gives rise to the ability to lie.

This developmental stage is completely normal and in line with a child’s growth. Typically, preschool-age children use lies not with the intention to deceive, but to generate interest or attention. The primary goal is not to deceive, but to attract curiosity. During this stage, parents should try to understand their children’s feelings and thoughts with care and attention. If this understanding is present, the child’s need to lie will diminish.

Particularly in families where there is excessive punishment, restrictions on the child’s interests, physical pressure, threats, feelings of jealousy, or comparison with other children, children are more likely to lie when they fear punishment for their actions, or when they feel insecure. For example, if a 10-year-old girl breaks a glass and the parent angrily asks, “Did you break this glass?” the child may lie and say, “No, I didn’t break it,” in order to avoid punishment. Children with low self-esteem or those who feel undervalued in social settings might also lie frequently in an attempt to gain approval or affection from others.

Sometimes when children are asked, “Why did you lie?” their response is often, “To avoid getting punished.” However, simply removing the threat of punishment does not always eliminate the desire to lie. Statements like, “Tell the truth! I won’t get angry or punish you!” may not effectively encourage honesty.

From the age of 10 to 12, children begin to understand the purpose of laws and rules. As they mature, the reasons for lying can vary. For example, children may lie to protect someone else, to make themselves appear better, to be polite, or to maintain friendships.

In these cases, parents should reflect on their own actions and be more mindful of their behavior. It is important not to offer rewards or punishments just to encourage the child to tell the truth. Additionally, parents should avoid creating situations that encourage lying. Lack of attention, constant reprimanding, overreacting, or pressure from the parents can make the child feel the need to lie to defend themselves. If the family doesn’t recognize and prevent such behaviors, the child may continue lying.

Children need to socialize and understand the importance of friendships and belonging to a community. To prevent lying from becoming a habitual behavior, it’s essential to understand why the child lies and to explore the underlying reasons. As a parent, it is important not to be overly strict with rules. Rather, avoid creating circumstances where lying becomes necessary.

If a child lies, it is important not to directly confront them with accusations. Instead of saying, “Don’t lie,” it’s better to say, “Tell the truth.” The first approach might make the child feel accused, while the second gives them guidance. A child who does not lie is a confident individual who understands moral, ethical, and national values.

Statistics & Insights:

• According to studies, 96% of children lie to their parents, especially in situations where they fear punishment or seek attention.
• The World Health Organization (WHO) emphasizes the importance of healthy communication within families, as well as the impact of parental behavior on child development, including honesty and emotional well-being.
• Children’s moral development can be influenced by early experiences and family dynamics, making it important for parents to create supportive, non-punitive environments.